Blogging Again

I stopped blogging after I realized that i was talking more about being pregnant than i was about my running/swimming/biking.  I probably should have kept blogging - even if know one else wanted to read it - because I think getting your thoughts out there sometimes helps keep things sane.

So what's new?  Well since i've had Addy - i have completed 3 marathons and my first sprint triathlon.  2 marathons were p.r.s and one was -well we won't go there.  I am a few days away from completing my 10th marathon - my 9th state - i really wish i hadn't done two in ohio - so i could be on my 10th state right now!  and two weeks after that i'll be attempting my first 1/2 ironman distance.

i've been debating in my head what my plan will be for Fargo.  For awhile there I was easily running long runs at an 8:15 pace.  I plug my recent 5k and 10 mile runs in to various extrapalators and they tell me i can do a 3:35.... but my training towards to end went a little off - my last two longs runs were solo runs were rather than distracting myself with chit chat I worried myself into rough runs that were more of an 8:40 to 8:50 pace.  And i know myself - had I taken off the garmin and thought postively those runs would have been better.  You would think that by the time a person was about to line up on a marathon start line for the 10th time they would have a plan in place.  I ran Atlanta marathon as a training run on March 20th.   The weather was hot - and I came to the conclusion that if i am going to run all 50 states sometimes I'm going to have to just run and enjoy the people and the sceneray - i'm not going to be able to race all 50 states at top performance (i'm not sure why this was such a big revelation -b/c i've completed several states where i ran really slowly just to check off the state)  Well for whatever reason that was a huge revelation and it took the pressure off.  I ran one of the most even paced races ever - and when I got to mile 25 i picked it up - i felt great the whole race - i didn't really look at my watch - because it didn't matter - i was running to finish.  I ended up running over an  11 minute p.r.  finishing in 3:48.  it was hot and it was one of the hilliest courses i've ever run - and i've been training for a flat marathon - yet it was almost effortless (as effortless as running 26.2 miles can be)
This brings me back to Fargo - I hesitate to put a goal out there - qualifying for boston.. getting a p.r. etc because when i put expectations on myself I crack under pressure.  If i put it out there that i want to run a 3:40 - the minute the 3:40 pace group paces me i will be defeated.  I will think of all my friends and family who will be tracking me and watching me slip off pace and how they'll be disappointed for me - proud of me still - but disappointed.  And that's when i lose it - that's when a 3:40 days that should have turned into a 3:43 day turns into a 4:19 day.  So my plan was to try and approach fargo like atlanta - pushing the pace a little more - but backing off if it's not my day.  I've blown up by mile 10 in a race and i don't ever want to do that again.  But then i read trisaratops blog today - and I think maybe i need to put it out there - maybe i need to stop playing it safe.  maybe i need to trust that my training - although it wasn't 100% exactly what the training program said - trust that it is sufficient - that i can run between an 8:10 and an 8:20 pace... and trust that i will be strong enough mentally to not crack when things get tough. 
As sara was saying in her blog - i often have to remind myself that i choose to do this.  Not only do i choose to do this - but i GET to do this.  I have a body that may not be that of an elite athlete - but it does allow me to do some pretty tough things.  I have a wonderfully supportive husband that not only helps make sure i get my runs in - but sometimes forces me to get them in.  I think that whatever pace i decide - i need to remember that Fargo is going to be a celebration - my 10th marathon.  I never thought I would run one - let alone 10.  I also need to celebrate the fact that I have a daughter that is 1 year and 1 month old - and this is my 4th marathon since she was born - that is an amazing feat that I sometimes lose perspective of when I look at what all of my speedy companions keep accomplishing.
We'll get to that half ironman later - let's just say that lake looks mighty cold out my window!