what to do with one's self...

Day 5 of no running or exercise. I'm getting better - only 2.5 more days on antibiotics - which is good b/c it's reeking havic on my stomach... haven't taken cough medicine during the day for the last couple of days. Cough seems to flare up in the evening mostly... I told steve i was going to go for a run on saturday - and I had a massive coughing attack. Think that was my body's way of saying hey dummy - get completely better before you try running me down again. It's going to be hard - but i am going to try and give my body a full week off to get completely better before i run. In the meantime I feel lost. No workouts to over analyze or worry about -- just worrying about the size of my waistline as I continue to eat like I am running a marathon everyday. Not being able to finish a race is even more frustrating than just a bad race. I was disappointed after the pig in may - but I still ran my little heart out and got a p.r. - there was some accomplishment there - but this failed attempt at a run is killing me. If only I had not tried to squeeze in my last 20 miler when i was sick... perhaps i would have gotten better after a week... perhaps not. Should i try and run another race? Have I lost too much fitness being sick for the last 4.5 weeks?
It's more than a let down to train for 4 months for something and just not have it happen - it's like something's missing - I don't think i really want to run another marathon right now - don't know that i have it in me - and I worry that it would be really ugly if I tried... It's just really weird - it's like traveling a long way to get somewhere - only when you get there - wherever your were suppose to be going isn't there. What do you do? turn back around? go off in another direction? or just keep plugging along in the same direction - and hope that the place you were looking for will show up a few miles down the road?
So I sent in our race applications for the buckeye 50k -- other than that - i just don't know what is next. I wish i could enjoy this down time - but when you didn't complete the goal you set out to do - you can't really enjoy the rest in the same way...
have a good weekend everyone!